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Funny Quotes


FUNNY QUOTES

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?


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Funny quotes


Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?


funny quotes,funny quotes on life,funny quotes about life,funny friendship quotes,funny quotes on friendship
Funny quotes


I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

Lazy people fact . You were too lazy to read that number.


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Funny quotes


Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time.

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Don't make me laugh, I'm trying to be mad at you.

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.

Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them.

They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it.

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.


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Funny quotes


Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly.

At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up.

Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute.

I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat.


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Funny quotes


I made a huge to do list for today. I just can't figure out who's going to do it.

That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man."

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

My cell phone is acting up, I keep pressing the home button but when I look around, I'm still at work.

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!

I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.

I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.


funny quotes,funny quotes on life,funny quotes about life,funny friendship quotes,funny quotes on friendship
Funny quotes


If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.

Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.

You know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside.

When someone yells stop I don't know whether it's in the name of love, it's Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Son, employees are like mules. Some you stand in front of and coax them along with a carrot. Some you stand behind and kick them in the ass. The key to management is knowing which mules are which.

The only way to know if the glass is half empty or half full is to measure it really accurately, like with a laser.

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.

You can talk to yourself and you can answer yourself, but if feel the need to pardon yourself, that's when you know something's wrong.

You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.


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Funny quotes


If you know something will go wrong and you do everything to stop it from happening, then something else will go wrong.

I know how to live my life to the fullest.. but let's speak later after I finish playing some computer games.

You know you're a mom when you understand why mama bear's porridge was cold.


funny quotes,funny quotes on life,funny quotes about life,funny friendship quotes,funny quotes on friendship
Funny quotes




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